Harvesting Potatoes

Sounds like a strange title for my blog. What if every day I did something I had never done before. What an amazing life that would be. This weekend I helped my friend Donna harvest her potatoes in Vermont. I have never dug up potatoes before. It was sort of like hunting for Easter Eggs. The potatoes they planted were red, white and blue. Who even knew that you can grow blue potatoes!!! Here are a couple of pictures.

California

It is a foggy Tuesday night in San Francisco.  I was just reflecting on the beautiful wedding I attended on Sunday afternoon.  The pictures I took will be able to give people a feeling for the day.   I felt a little out of place at this predominantly African and African/American wedding, but everyone went out of their way to make me feel comfortable.  I really can't write too much about it.  It was such a visual experience more than anything, so I will look forward to getting some pictures on Smug Mug when I get back home. (Your can see my pictures now at www.looknc.smugmug.com.)

Yesterday morning I had an opportunity to spend some time with Katherine and Jonah and some of their Kenyan friends.  They were all so warm, wonderful and interesting to talk with.  I really am looking forward to a trip to Africa soon.

After breakfast I drove to San Francisco and arrived safe and sound at the home of my good friend Madelyn, her husband Colin,  and their two sons Collie and Andrew.   This is yet another situation where I am out of my element.  Madelyn lives in a world of testosterone and Xbox games.  

Today I stole Madelyn away and we went on a road trip down the coast to Half Moon Bay and on to Santa Cruz.  Another visually stimulating experience.  

The highlight of our trip was stopping at the Pidgeon Point Light House. Madelyn had never stopped there, so it was a new experience for both of us. The Light House is beautiful but in need of restoration. The project is underway. A few steps beyond the lighthouse we walked down the steps into the embrace of the Pacific Ocean and all its glory. The sea air was so fresh and alive, wildlife was everywhere, the waves crashed below us on the rocks, flocks of Pelicans kept flying by us, and seals frolicked below in the foam. I was mesmerized by the sounds, sights and smells. My whole being took in the colors and textures of the water, sky and distant shoreline. So much to stimulate my senses. It was hard for us to leave that place.

Here it was easy to love what is.

Cynthia's Wedding

Yesterday I flew across the country to connect with some very special friends from the years I lived in Boston.   First I will be attending the wedding of Cynthia Ichoya the daughter of my dear African friend Katherine and her husband Jonah.  I met Katherine when she was in Boston attending the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard, and we were both involved with The Hunger Project.  After the wedding I will spend a few days with Madelyn who I first met in Boston in 1980 and I have known all these years.  She has lived in San Francisco for over 20 years and married and has two sons.


Today is the day of the wedding and this morning I went to breakfast at the hotel in hopes of seeing Katherine and having our initial reunion now, so as not to distract from the wedding.  It had been more than 10 years since we saw one another.  I wondered if I would recognize her right away.  Well, I saw her from the back sitting at a table and I knew it was her!!!  We had a tearful reunion and the feeling I felt being embraced by this amazing African woman just made all the trials of traveling dissolve.   I knew at once why I had come and that this was were I was supposed to be at this moment.  She insisted on taking me to her room to surprise her husband Jonah.  Jonah picked me up and twirled me around in the air and had tears in his eyes as we hugged.   Katherine then brought me to her daughter Cynthia's room.  Cynthia is the bride today.  She is 26 and so beautiful.  I last saw her when she was about 14 years old.  After seeing Cynthia, Katherine had a gift for me.  She always comes bearing gifts from Africa.  This time it was a set of plates with Massai warriors painted on them. She has this way of making me feel like I am the most important person in the world.

So now I will get ready for the wedding celebration this afternoon.  I will frolick in the love, laughter and beauty of the people of Africa who have come from all over the world to celebrate Cynthia's wedding.  It is the marriage of a daughter of Africa and a son of African Americans.  I feel blessed and honored to be at this event.

Katherine said to me, "you have to come to our home in Zambia and also go to Kenya".  I said "yes, I am ready to come to Africa now.  It is time." And we both knew that it is the right time and it will happen soon.  

The Long Journey

"When faced with a radical crisis, when the old way of being in the world, of interacting with each other and with the realm of nature doesn't work anymore, when survival is threatened by seemingly insurmountable problems, an individual life-form (or a species) will either die or become extinct or rise above the limitations of its condition through an evolutionary leap". Eckhart Tolle

It was more then 20 years ago, while living in Boston that I had my first transformational experience by participating in Werner Erhardt's EST Training. The EST Training was a two weekend boot camp, which took us through extreme individual and group exercises in order for us to see ourselves, and the story we had created about our lives. We learned that we created our own reality and that we needed to take responsibility for our lives and stop blaming others and being victims. In the final session we learned that when all is said and done, life in fact, is empty and meaningless.......which I couldn't fully comprehend at the time.

That experience started me on a new journey, which included my first divorce, followed by my freedom ride, driving by myself across the United States and Canada for two months covering 12,000 miles. I did not realize it then, but I set off from that point in a direction that would take me 20 years (and still counting) of experiences and much suffering to finally return to myself. I did indeed stop blaming others, and took my sense of responsibility seriously, by feeling responsible for everyone elses suffering, blaming myself for everything that went wrong, and then inflicting tremendous internal verbal abuse towards a very kind, sensitive and loving woman.........me.

And here I am today, still picking up the pieces of my desecrated soul, brushing them off lovingly, crying and forgiving myself - for all the abuse I inflicted on this beautiful being who is myself... and all of life.

Chasing the Butterfly

"Self realization not lived doesn't mean a thing" said Byron Katie. This is what really penetrated my being as I watched her and Oprah discuss "the work" and Byron's book "Loving What Is". I remember that if you want the butterfly to land on you, you have to stop chasing it. I had become a master at chasing the butterfly. Always trying so hard, always wanting so much, always fighting with myself, feeling victimized by life.

So as I sink into this new found feeling of living now, and being fully present to what is, I become lighter and actually move through life both physically and mentally in a new way. I really believed before that if others were suffering, I had to suffer. But only by ceasing my own suffering can suffering end. What a relief.

I am very grateful to my computer tonight that I was able to watch such an engaging dialogue for free. I don't really need to say any more at this moment. Just peace.

Life and Death

With writing I always seem to have difficulty finding the starting point. The last few weeks I have woken up in the morning with many themes that want to be expressed, but I just didn't start. So, tonight I am starting, but the themes aren't there. Perhaps I just need to tell you who I am at this moment. It is July 29th, 2008 and I am 58. There are many currents running through my life. One current is all the people I know and the things I am doing with them. Another is my home and where I live and what I am attempting to create for myself. And then there is the major current of my life which is my journey within, to discover my true self and bring that to the surface, and to practice being present in this moment, unencumbered by the thought forms that create suffering and fear.

So, why start with life and death? I would say that this past year I am learning about death so that I can better live life. When we are afraid of dying we are also often afraid of living. I spent 5 weeks last year participating in the slow death of my father. One thing I have learned from the experience is that upon death we give up all the forms that have defined our lives and are just left with our being. Another thing that I learned is that we are all dying a long and sometimes painful death, and our suffering is mainly caused by our thoughts. So, we have the choice to let go of those thoughts now and live more fully and joyfully, or we can wait until we die when there is no choice.