When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you!
What a challenging journey I have had managing my mom's life. Little did I know almost 7 years ago when my dad died, that I would find myself where I am today. I have learned what it means to have the patience of a saint, and so much more.
I did my best to keep mom in her home for 4 years. This entailed paying someone to come to the house twice a day to make sure she got up and dressed in the morning, ate, had meds, water, and had a little companionship. Her neighbor across the street, Dave also kept an eye on her. For me it meant calling her every night and visiting every other weekend, until it became every weekend. There were several trips to the hospital, in the beginning from anxiety attacks (she would shake uncontrollably) then a fall through the rotten back porch that seriously cut up one leg, and then finally she passed out in the summer heat one night because she would close the bedroom door and not allow the air conditioning to come in. That was the final straw along with her wanderings out on the street, and I knew I needed to move her some place safer. Moving mom was about more than her safety and health. It was also about the difficulty of keeping up with a house that was sitting on top of a wet, moldy basement filled with 54 years of debris, with a rotten deck and a big yard to take care of. So many issues. But finally I found a reasonably priced assisted living place with a lovely apartment to move her to. It broke my heart to have mom leave her home, but she didn't even know she was home when she was there. That eased my heartbreak and guilt a little, but not much. I cried my heart out when I went to sign the contract, and cried my heart out again the night before the move.
Because of my mom's dementia I have had to work behind the scenes to make sure she has what she needs and to advocate for her. When I realized the aids who worked at the Assisted Living Place were not good at putting mom to bed and getting her up in the morning, I had to hire a private aid Elsa to help me. Elsa has been a godsend to me, and to mom (although mom doesn't remember Elsa from day to day).
